Don’t Eat The Chicken!
RHONY somehow achieved it. I am not sure how, but the women of New York managed to outdo themselves once again and produce one of the best episodes in recent RHONY history.
MVP of the Episode
Leah McSweeney
I have a feeling that Leah will be MVP multiple times this season, but this week she earned the title by a landslide.
The episode starts off with Ramona giving her half-ass apology to Luann after treating her like trash. Ramona has a broken record in the apology department. She lives by the mantra ‘act now, apologize later’ but not in an impressive, inspiring way. In typical Ramona fashion, she apologizes profusely and kisses Luann’s ass in the process. It’s so transparent that it’s almost comical at this point. However, in the end, it gets the job done.
Next, we welcome Adriano, Ramona’s svelte and foreign tennis instructor, to the cougar’s den. When it comes to men, Luann is like a thief in the night. She is instantly attracted to Adriano and shoots her shot. While I applaud her confidence, he immediately turns her down in the most cringeworthy, direct way. However, she has no shame in her game and proceeds to hit on Sonja’s dog groomer in the following scene. I can’t even make fun of her, because I wish I had her resilience.
The ladies begin drinking frozé (frozen rosé) in the early afternoon and Dorinda tries to trick Luann, a current member of AA, to drink it as well. I don’t use the word ‘alcoholic’ to describe Luann since, like the other ladies, I don’t believe she is one. I do think she was going through a terribly difficult time after her divorce from Tom and used alcohol to cope with her issues. And honestly, who could blame her! That is why I do not feel bad saying that I wish Luann took the bait. I guess we’ll have to wait until later in the season for her to ‘fall off the wagon’.
Another side note, Ramona is a terrible hostess. Period. She calls out her guests for not cooking or cleaning while making them feel guilty in the process. Ramona proceeds to verbally berate Leah after accusing her of not setting the table to include silverware. If any of the other housewives pulled this crap, I would have been flabbergasted and offended for their victims. However, this is what we’ve come to expect from Satan herself and can’t blame her for this abysmal behavior since we enable it. Ramona reluctantly decides to blow off her friend’s party and hang out at home with the ladies. She made it appear that she would rather hang out with the girls, while in reality, I think she was too embarrassed to bring them around her cultured, societal friends for a second night in a row.
The night’s festivities commence and Leah announces how excited she is that they are staying in and won’t have to worry about any ‘weirdo white dudes showing up’. Almost like clockwork, Jeff, one of Ramona’s Botched-contestant friends, shows up and ruins the all-girl vibe of the evening. The alcohol starts to slowly creep up on everyone and this ‘girls night’ quickly turns into a middle-aged, botox-infused frat party for the ages. The ladies play champagne-pong while Sonja starts talking about her vibrator, and for a moment, we forget about the deadly pandemic happening around us.
Ramona continues to stir the pot and confesses to a highly intoxicated Dorinda that her boyfriend, John, has been giving his number to many of her girlfriends. We all hate John, but telling Dorinda after 5 glasses of frozé is the wrong time. Know your audience, Ramona.
In an obvious transition of events, Tinsley, Leah and Sonja skinny dip while drinking champagne out of the bottle like the classy bitches they are. When they get back inside, they are three sheets to the wind and probably, for their own dignity, should have gone to bed.
Ramona then LEAVES HER GUESTS AT HER OWN HOUSE TO GO TO THE PARTY she claimed she didn’t want to attend. Again, not shocking but let’s just say she deserved what happened next…
Suddenly, Sonja brings up the ‘trophy wife’ subject to Eloise, who magically appeared in Ramona’s house. This woman is salivating for the opportunity to hold an apple next season. I am unsure what happened next to cause this, but Leah freaking lost it. She starts screaming at Sonja and Tinsley how it’s time for them to drop their famous surnames (Mortimer and Morgan) since they’ve been divorced for years. I truly believe Leah was trying to help, but her delivery was way off the mark. Also, I feel bad that Tinsley is always getting dragged into these arguments. She never purposefully starts a fight but is such an easy target, that she’s often used as the scapegoat. Eloise then drops the best line of the night. “‘If this group went into group therapy, the therapist would commit suicide.” Props to her. I always give credit where credit is due.
We fast forward to the following morning, and the entire house is in complete disarray. While Dorinda and Sonja put on their face masks without a care in the world, the Devil incarnate, Ramona, returns home to a disaster in her kitchen. There’s broken glass, empty wine bottles and, the kicker, a vibrator in the chicken.
If I’m being honest, I wish they gave more of a backstory on that.
We follow Ramona outside and there’s an empty champagne bottle in the pool, more broken glass and tiki torches strewn over the lawn. Ramona loses it and calls the women disrespectful. However, the trusty producers have previous season material up their sleeves and are ready to use it. We flashback to season 9 when Ramona destroyed Dorinda’s Berkshire room by ripping the light fixtures off the wall. I hate to say it, Ramona, but karma is a bitch, and I have ZERO sympathy for your situation.
The final scene is Tinsley passed out in her bed with a plate of uneaten pasta beside her. This is the first and probably only time I will ever relate to Tinsley Mortimer.
I can't believe I’m saying this, but I think we need a ‘filler’ episode next week. We’re only on the third episode, and they are already giving us major reunion-level vibes. While I appreciate it, we can’t have them burning out midseason.
