Jaxhole of the Year
Tuesday was a sad night for VPR fans. In this week’s episode, Jax officially kicked Sandavol out of his bridal party. To pour salt in the proverbial wounds of viewers around the world, he then disinvited Sandavol to his wedding altogether because of their over-dramatic blow out last week.
This episode started off with Brittany, Brittany’s mom and Jax figuring out the seating arrangements 10 days before their wedding. I have never been married nor do I plan to any time in the near future, but is this customary to do less than two weeks before a wedding?
Anyway, Jax had his knickers in a knot due to the fact that Sandavol hadn’t reached out to him since their fight. Lest we forget that Sandavol forgave Jax a few seasons ago for sleeping with his girlfriend at the time, Kristen. (I am not sure how this is relevant to the episode, but I felt the need to bring it up.) Jax then decides to go to SUR to tell Sandavol that he’s disinvited to the wedding in the most off-centered, arrogant way possible.
The best part of this scene is when Jax drives off…in a MUSTANG! Like, of course Jax drives a Mustang. Why would he not drive a Mustang? This solidifies his ‘jaxholeness’ and my hatred for him even more. (No offense to anyone with a Mustang. I’m sure they are great cars.)
*** I was just told that there’s a chance he was driving a Challenger Hellcat, not a Mustang. Unfortunately, this does not change my opinion of him. He will always be a certified d-bag in my eyes.
I am ashamed to say that I teared up a little when Sandavol and Schwartz were crying with each other over Jax disinviting him to the wedding. I hope I’m wrong, but this altercation is starting to appear like the end of an era between the boys. It’s not looking good.
In more exciting news, this week Randall Emmett was finally introduced onto the show. Now I have to admit, I was living for the Fifty Cent aka ‘Fofty' Feud over the summer and may or more not have recapped the play-by-play on my social media. I also feel a little bad rehashing it now but here we are. Thank you TMZ for always being my resource for receipts. See below for the profound text exchange between Randall and ‘Fofty’.
For those of you wondering why this incredible feud hasn’t been brought up ad nauseam during this season (besides when our resident alcoholic DJ, James Kennedy, made fun of it), our favorite basic bitch filled us in. Apparently, there were so many legal issues surrounding this feud that Bravo did not want to touch it with a 10 foot poll.
I went into this episode not wanting to like Randall. I really, really tried. But I admit when I am wrong, and can now say with certainty that I am fully aboard the Randall train. While I am currently not emotionally damaged enough to listen to Lala and Rand’s podcast, we’ll see if that changes as we approach the rest of the season. In a very strange turn of events, Jax asked Randall to be in his wedding party. A look of shock ran across Randall’s face as he quickly contemplated how his life got to this point. For those who don’t know him, Randall was a producer on the Oscar nominated film, The Irishman. Being asked as the backup groomsman in Jax Taylor’s wedding is quite the upgrade from working with up-and-coming director, Martin Scorsese.
I am only going to briefly touch on the new cast since I really can’t stand any of them (besides Dayna). Charli might be the most annoyingly pretentious, self-absorbed person on this show, which is saying A LOT since we are dealing with a handful of Grade A narcissists. Her only claim to fame is that she’s a Scheana-wannabe who brags about never having tried pasta because of the ‘carbs’. Cool. You seem like a very well-rounded individual who I would love to be friends with.
Personally, I think Dayna can do A LOT BETTER than Max. Max was probably unpopular and disliked by the ladies in high school. He then somehow got an amazing job as a manager at one of the hottest bars in LA which also happens to be a television show and is now inclined to be a womanizing POS. I’m sorry, but looks-wise, he reminds me of a coked-out ferret. Let’s not forget about his horrifically racist tweets from a few years back. Suffice it to say, Max either needs to be fired OR punched in the face IMMEDIATELY.
***Side note, I realize that I have talked about punching people in the face in my first two recaps, but I swear, I don’t have violent tendencies (that I know of).
Next week, Brittany and Jax’s wedding festivities commence in Kentucky. I am praying (no pun intended) that the pastor topic is NOT brought up again since they are beating this thing to death. I’m also really hoping drunk Kristen brings her A-game. We need some new material.
