Buca Di Bullsh*t
Can we take a moment to talk about the fact that the SEASON FINALE of RHOBH is next week? This is some Grade A BULLSHIT and I am not okay. I need to know why this season is cut short by 4 episodes. We usually get at least 20 plus 3 reunion episodes. Someone needs to contact Andy Cohen ASAP and ask him what in the Coto De Caza is up. The RHONY Finale is also upon us which means it’s about that time to increase my Lexapro script.
The episode starts off at Garcelle’s new home who also happens to be this week’s MVP. She is pure class and has brought a level of dignity to this show we haven’t seen in a while.
***More details on her badass-ery below.
Denise arrives at Garcelle’s to discuss the magnificent shit show that was Rome. Denise, again, insists she did NOT have an affair with Brandi and wants the ladies to drop it. Aaron, who has been more than willing to impose his POV this season, has been radio silent since the affair accusations were brought to light. I think he needs to take a break from his shady Snowden-adjacent ‘government’ job and get his sexy ass in the goddamn confessional to explain his side of things.
We visit Dorit’s new ‘room’ at the Olive Garden, I mean, Buca di Beppo. I lived in LA for four years and never heard of this restaurant before this season. But you best believe next time I’m there, I will be visiting the CA-pri room. Was it me, or did Dorit put way too much emphasis on the ‘CA’ in ‘Capri’? Anyway, Kyle proceeds to drop the news that both Kim AND Brandi are going to the baby shower. When I tell you I got literal chills down my spine at this point, I am not exaggerating. Grab your popcorn and tequila, shit is about to go down.
In the next ‘filler’ scene, Lisa helps her daughter, Amelia, pack up her room. I’ve said this before, but someone give Lisa a glass of water because this bitch is SO THIRSTY trying to make her kids the next Gigi and Bella (which is never going to happen.) In response to Garcelle’s comments in Rome, Lisa asks Amelia if her nearly naked dancing Instagram videos contributed to her eating disorder. In the most scripted scene of the episode, Amelia denies this accusation and insists she found clarity through her therapist. While I don’t think these videos directly correlate to Amelia’s disorder, I do think it shows the environment Amelia grew up in and the influences she continues to be surrounded by.
We, unfortunately, find ourselves back at Buca Di Beppo. By the beautiful grace of the Bravo gods, we discover that Kim and Lisa have a familial connection that is almost too good to be true. However, it’s a little confusing so try to keep up. Kim’s daughter, Brooke Wiederhorn, is married to a man whose brother, Mercer Wiederhorn, is dating Amelia. This means that if Amelia and Mercer get married, Kim and Lisa will be some type of extended family. I sense a spinoff in the not-so-distant future.
As a shock to absolutely no one, Denise Facetimes Dorit and tells her she can’t make it because she’s ‘sick’. Dorit unnecessarily announces this to the entire CA-pri room which causes little-to-no reaction. I’ve seen some comments of people bashing the CA-pri room. I don’t think it’s that bad. I mean, it is a chain restaurant after all. It definitely isn’t the next Villa Blanca, but we can’t all be LVP.
Erika shows up un-fashionably late in a hideous black leather ensemble and pink wig. I appreciate the experimentation, but this outfit was a no for me. Lisa ever-so-transparently congratulates Erika AGAIN for her upcoming Broadway stint while bringing up her own run on Broadway in the same role. Like a fucking boss, Garcelle calls Lisa out for this, leaving her speechless (which is pretty hard to do.)
Brandi, who is looking more like Terry Dubrow by the second, shows up after the meal has already finished and I ALMOST feel bad for her. It’s obvious no one wanted her at the actual party and only brought her in the scene to bring up the Denise drama. I think Brandi is sharing these intimate aspects of her life because she thinks there’s a chance she’ll be hired back full time. Even though I believe she would bring the drama tenfold, I just don’t see a reality where this would ever happen.
Kyle is the one to bring up the Rome drama and Denise/Brandi hookup in front of the entire party which, strangely, embarrasses Brandi. Doesn’t she know this is going to be seen on national television in front of millions?
Then, in one of the most AWKWARD scenes in Housewives’ history, Teddi kicks out her already uncomfortable ‘non-cast member’ guests in order to continue the NSFW conversation with Brandi. I am literally cringing all over again just thinking about it.
Before I go any further, I need to comment on Brandi’s hair in this scene. The front looked fine, but WTF was going on in the back? It was a matted mess. Could the girl not hire a hair stylist for this one scene? Truly sad all around.
Once the stragglers leave, Brandi continues her crusade to get the other women on her side. On a side note, was anyone else a little startled each time the camera glanced over at Kim who is a dead ringer of the crypt keeper? I had nightmares about it last night.
Erika and Dorit still don’t believe Brandi at this point which prompts Brandi to bring out the receipts, a.k.a. countless texts from Denise. Throughout this entire interaction, Lisa keeps saying how she’s ‘not comfortable’ talking about Denise without her being physically present. Bull-Fucking-Shit, Rinna. She obviously can’t control herself, and asks Brandi to just ‘see a little bit’ of the text exchange. While this is now enough proof for Erika, Dorit is still left unconvinced. Brandi is getting visibly heated and goes into detail on the specific acts she performed on Denise. While the entire sentence was pretty much censored, it was easy to assume what was said. While I do think it’s pretty egregious how Brandi showed the women the private texts, we wouldn’t have had a season without this storyline so I understand it had to be done for the greater good.
Next week is the (sobs internally) season finale. We still have so many questions and yet, I don’t think we will receive many answers. Only time will tell, but the mourning process has officially begun for me.
